How to mentally manage a cancer diagnosis

Key points:

• Upfront About Breast Cancer — What You Don’t Know Until You Do is available on SoundCloud, Apple podcasts and Spotify

• 20,458 women and 217 men are expected to receive a breast cancer diagnosis in 2023

• One in two Australian men and women will be diagnosed with cancer by the age of 85

This edition of Aged Care Guide is intended to support people who have recently received a cancer diagnosis. However, due to the pervasive and prevalent nature of cancer, this Guide will also provide a pathway to hope and acceptance for those who are impacted by the diagnosis of a loved one or may receive a diagnosis in the near future.

The theme of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, from October 1 – 31, 2023, is ‘living well, your way,’ which is intended to highlight the spectrum of reactions and life occurrences that happen during and after a diagnosis.

This Guide will cover the advice of clinical psychologist Dr Charlotte Tottman, in addition to the guidance of Australia’s Cancer Council, which will give you the knowledge to explain your situation to other people, including your children, grandchildren, coworkers and friends.

Mental health management from Australia’s leading expert

Several years after establishing her private practice in psycho-oncology, Dr Charlotte Tottman was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Dr Tottman’s podcast, Upfront About Breast Cancer — What You Don’t Know Until You Do, has been downloaded over 100,000 times and has served as an invaluable resource for people with breast cancer, especially amidst the current wait times for mental health services.

Charlotte completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Flinders University and has gone on to inspire hundreds of thousands of listeners, in addition to individuals, couples and groups through respective therapies after a cancer diagnosis.

She has five key recommendations for a person who has recently been diagnosed with cancer:

• Give yourself time to adjust
• Understand your anxiety and manage it
• Seek professional support
• Check in on everyone who may be impacted by the diagnosis
• Stay active and engaged

Give yourself time to adjust

“After a cancer diagnosis, it’s normal to struggle through a period of adjustment as you come to terms with change,” Dr Charlotte Tottman explained.

“How you navigate these changes can depend on who you are as a person, your previous experience of adversity and your resilience.”

Understand your anxiety and manage it

“Anxiety will peak and then start to dissipate, so once you recognise this and learn how to sit with it, you are back in the driver’s seat,” she said.

“The anxiety may still happen, which is normal, but it will no longer destabilise you.

“You might experience physiological symptoms, such as a racing heart, a sick feeling in your stomach, light-headedness or tightness in your chest,” Dr Tottman added.

Seek professional support

“Generally, I recommend seeking help if your anxiety or struggle to adjust is getting in the way of your functioning, impacting your sleep or relationships or causing you a high level of distress,” she said.

“Your GP or therapist, if you see one, can help assess where you are in terms of your struggle.

“Speaking in an unfiltered way can help you feel heard, seen and validated.

“Talking to others who have a similar experience can also be valuable in helping you feel understood.” 

Check-in on everyone who may be impacted by the diagnosis

“People tend to flock in the early stages of a diagnosis and then vanish down the track,” Dr Tottman explained.

“That’s when the person who’s been diagnosed may feel the most isolated, so check in and ask how things are really going for them.”

Dr Tottman also cautioned carers to give themselves a break from supporting others if it is negatively impacting their own life.

“Remember, if you are exhausted or unable to continue caring, it affects you and the person you’re caring for.”

Stay active and engaged

“The silver bullet in all of this is exercise, so I recommend you stay mobile and active,” Tottman concluded.

How do I talk to my loved ones about cancer?

In addition to her podcasting advocacy and advice, Dr Tottman is an editor for the Cancer Council of Australia, which has offered guidelines on how to open up about your diagnosis.

How you speak about cancer to children —- ie. your grandchildren — adult, teen or preadolescent, will depend on their age and maturity. Thankfully, the Cancer Council has a dedicated online document that will help you to determine how you broach the topic.

Breast Cancer Network Australia Chief Executive Officer Kirsten Pilatti said that the organisation has many resources to communicate with others about a diagnosis.

“Everyone wants to navigate and control their diagnosis in different ways — there are people who will want to share with everyone and keep them up to date; kind of have communications trees set up so that they can be letting people know at each stage in their journey,” the CEO told Talking Aged Care journalist David McManus.

“Others, we’ve seen through our network, want to keep their diagnosis private for lots of different reasons — whether it’s for work or not to worry family.

“We, as a network, want to support people in doing what’s right for them. What I would say is, particularly around children, that sometimes a parent or a grandparent thinks they’re having a quiet conversation that a kid won’t pick up on, but they pick up that something’s not quite right in the home.”

The most important thing is to take care of yourself and as friends, family and co-workers learn of your diagnosis or prognosis, they may act differently or feel uncertain as to how they should act. Ultimately, the Council advises that you inform them of your wishes and needs, so that they can act accordingly and be there to support you in your time of need. Alternatively, if you are struggling to open up to a family member or friend, you may opt to speak with a specialist, GP, therapist or advocate with experience in similar situations who can support your communication during this time.

To find support by phone, please contact the Breast Cancer Network of Australia via 1800 500 258.

How did you tell the people in your life about your diagnosis? Let the team at Talking Aged Care know and subscribe to the Aged Care Guide newsletter for more informative content.