‘We Need to Talk About Ageing’ author Melissa Levi offers advice

For the past decade, Melissa has studied and supported older people and those living with Alzheimer’s disease. Her work coincided with her personal life, as her grandfather, Zaida, began to deal with dementia.

The new book offers insight into ageism in the present day, along with how communication surrounding the passage of time is stigmatised or avoided, when, in fact, it needs to be discussed openly.

“I’ve been fortunate to help more than a thousand families in navigating the ageing journey and I’ve come to know that while every family story is uniquely their own — we all share the same fears, questions and struggles,” says Ms Levi.

Melissa wrote the book to inspire autonomy in older people and to create a dialogue between family, friends and their older loved ones. She hopes that people begin to view age as a part of life where adjustments may need to be made, in concert with the older person — instead, many people currently view age as a disease and dehumanise the value of choice.

“I think one of my favourite quotes comes from a poem called Invictus by William Ernest Henley […] in particular, the last couple of lines where he says ‘I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul’,” she begins.

“They want to remain the masters of their fate, the captain of their souls. That is what this book gives them. So, this book allows them to know that they’re not alone, by, sort of, learning from the stories of others who have gone before them. It allows them to better understand and put language to their experience — to know their options to plan for the future and, ultimately, forever.”

Melissa says that ageism isn’t always visible, but can crop up in sly, subtle and weaponised ways to undermine the independence of older people. Namely, when professionals turn to carers or family members to discuss the older person, rather than addressing them directly. Still, Ms Levi says that overt age discrimination is a wide problem and throughout her work, she has seen it first-hand.

“I had a patient — he was a gentleman in his early 60s — 62 To be precise. He was a partner at a top accountancy firm and was told that they have mandatory retirement for all partners at the age of 62. For me, that’s just overt ageism, because you’re looking at someone who is in their professional prime. [Someone] who has built up a wealth of experience and expertise… You’re basically asking them to retire at their peak and also it’s entirely reasonable that this gentleman would live well into his 80s, possibly 90s,” says Melissa.

“I just thought ‘how is he expected to financially support himself?’ It’s just bizarre to me that an arbitrary age would determine someone’s participation and contribution,” she adds.

In addition to the new book which is available across the nation and serves as a guide to tough discussions at family gatherings, how to support and how to speak about getting older — Melissa is looking to launch a digital platform under the ‘Talking Ageing’ masthead.

“Basically, when I became a mum, I was so overwhelmed and delighted by the volume and the quality of information that was available for new mums. I just thought, ‘how is there not something like this for families and older people trying to navigate ageing?’,” she says, reflecting on the conception of Talkingageing.com.

Speaking about how families can tackle the topic with care, comfort and positivity, Ms Levi says, “I’ve seen too many families have these conversations in hospital corridors and [sic] depression — it’s just heartbreaking, it really is. It can be really helpful to have a checklist or a bit of an agenda to guide your conversation.”

She encourages people to be prepared to chat about age before an emergency situation, using the information in the book and a checklist of questions available through the new digital platform.